Sunday's Funnies : Medical Exams

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1... A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,

lifted the lady's dress and began to take off

her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there

were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong

one.

~~~ Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,

San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a

stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf

female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.

~~~ Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,

Seattle , WA

3... One day I had to be the bearer of bad

news when I told a wife that her husband

had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard

her reporting to the rest of the family that

he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

~~~ Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4... During a patient's two week follow-up

appointment with his cardiologist, he informed

me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with

one of his medications..

' Which one ?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...

The Nurse told me to put on a new one every

six hours and now I'm running out of places to

put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what

I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes , the man had over

fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of

the old patch before applying a new one.

~~~ Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,

Norfolk , VA

5... While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,

I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .

' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

~~~ Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson -

Corvallis , OR

6... I was performing rounds at the

hospital one morning and while checking

up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your

breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good

except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem

to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob

produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

~~~ Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,

Detroit , MI

7... A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room

when a young woman with purple hair styled

into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety

of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered...

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute

appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate

surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the

operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair

had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo

that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote

a short note on the patient's dressing, which said

'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

~~~ Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8... As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.

I was quite embarrassed when performing female

pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had

unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing

this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further

embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and

sheepishly said. . .' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks

from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .

' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .' '

~~~Dr. wouldn't submit his name....

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud.

I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's

examining room, waiting for the doctor to

come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,

checked his weight, and being a little concerned,

asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded,

and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very

professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,

'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't

have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,

But I'm glad I came.

Have a good week.:)